WMH Season 2 Ep 14: Managing Mental Health During the Holidays

This is a transcript of Watching Mental Health Season 2, Episode 14 which you can watch and listen to here:

Katie Waechter: Hi everyone. Welcome to another episode of Watching Mental Health. I'm Katie Wetter and I am your host today. And I'm so glad to be here because we are talking about a very special episode, a very timely episode I would think, and that is about holiday stress, and I think we're all feeling it a little bit right now, whether that's related to the recent election or that's related to the upcoming Thanksgiving and or Christmas with the family.

I know that it is kind of a challenge for some, and as much as we want the magic of the season to come alive, mental health challenges, stress and life can and does get in the way of that. And so I figured that on this episode of watching Mental health, we would talk a little bit more about mental health around the holidays, how to manage that and also address the big elephant in the room grief. And I think no one really talks enough about grief during the holidays. And so the holidays are tough, and I know that I have had challenging holiday seasons and some have been easier than others. I think the same can be said about anybody when you spend the holidays alone. That can be more challenging when you spend the holidays after a divorce or after the loss of a loved one.

I know that can be really, really difficult for I think anybody. And so let's talk about it. So what is holiday stress? Well, holiday stress basically is the feeling of that overwhelming pressure and anxiety that occurs during the holidays. I think some of us can feel it in our chest, right? Some of us can also maybe feel it in our tummies. Maybe we don't sleep well. Some of us can really feel it maybe in the form of headaches or distractions, and that can be really hard. And there are common triggers for holiday stress that happen every single year. And so let's talk a little bit about that. And I think that when we know our triggers, that'll help us to better understand how to address 'em, how to acknowledge them, and then how to manage them. So holiday stress, common triggers include first and foremost, I think financial stress, right?

We all feel a little bit of that extra strain around the holidays. I think we're all still not used to the high prices of groceries that I don't know or actually are going to go down and adding on all of that extra stress of buying presence, of expectations of social events, all of that adds up. It all adds up, and it's all financial stress as well, especially here at the end of the year, which I know for some can be even more stressful just in itself around finances, taxes, all of that good stuff. Another common trigger of holiday stress is family dynamics and conflicts. So I think that we're going to see maybe a little more of that this year depending on what our family dynamics are. I know that politics has strained a lot of families, and a lot of families may be bringing that kind of stuff up during the holidays.

And so my one kind of steadfast rule is don't talk about politics during the holidays. I also don't like to talk about religion during the holidays. I think that's another perhaps contentious point for some families. And there are families where people will go off and develop different points of views, different perspectives on life, join different parties than their families, and even perhaps join different religions than their families. And all of that tends to be brought up around the holidays. Funny enough, that kind of stuff can be brought up around weddings too. Family dynamics I think are very stressful to manage during weddings and during really anything that's important, any important events in life, the family dynamics can add an extra layer of stress. Another common holiday stress trigger is overpack schedules and social obligations. So I mentioned this before, but it's not just the presence, it's doing things.

I think especially for our introverted folks out there, it can be hard to get out and to socialize during the holidays to be expected to socialize not only with family, but perhaps with work. Perhaps you are expected to show up to holiday parties that you have no interest in being there for, but you have an obligation to be there for whatever reason that may be. Those social obligations can be challenging, and especially for those not only introverts, but for those who are socially anxious. So for those of us that have social, that struggle to get out, that can be hard. Even the idea of traveling, even traveling during the holidays, I think is not pleasant for anyone. And so just imagine if you are dealing with a mental health condition on top of that, that's even more stressful and difficult to manage and even less is in your control during moments like that.

And so that's a big part of the holidays, and a lot of people don't talk about that, about how stressful these social obligations can really be for us and how draining they can be. And another thing that's really draining in the last trigger that I'll touch on is grief and loneliness. So spending our holidays alone, and it's not just grief after someone who we love dies. It's grief after a child moves away to college. It's that empty nesters syndrome, it's that big change. It's grief after a divorce, after a family breaks up. The holidays can be so hard after events like that, not only for the people who are experiencing those, but for the children involved, for all of the other families that are involved in that. And a lot of people don't think about that unless they're experiencing it. Grief is something that we avoid in life, and that can be really hard because then when we're going through it, it feels like no one wants to talk about it and it feels like we have no one to talk to about it.

And if you are experiencing grief and loneliness, we'll talk a little bit more about that later on and maybe some tips around that. But for now, let's get into practical strategies for managing your mental health during the holidays. So yeah, I think that it's important to take extra time to take care of yourself during the holidays. We spend a lot of the holiday season thinking about other people and how can we show love to other people? How can we give magic to our children? What will our loved ones want for Christmas or Hanukkah? And we don't spend enough time thinking about ourselves. So I am first off, a big proponent of a big advocate of giving yourself a gift for Christmas and Veronica. I think that's super important. If you're going to give something to somebody else, I think you should give something to yourself as well.

Now, do you need to give yourself a gift for every gift you give other people? Probably not, but a couple of nice gifts that you know want that maybe no one else is going to get. You deserve that. And so that's my first little tip there. But let's actually jump through some actual practical strategies. And the first is to set boundaries. It is so essential to set boundaries during the holidays for all of the reasons I mentioned above, but for mainly the fact that yeah, stressful holiday events happen and you have to deal with them and you actually don't have to deal with them. You can choose if you want to show up to some of these events that you maybe feel obligated to show up to. And I know for our people pleasers out there in the world, I'm giving you permission now to say no.

You can say no to an event. You can politely decline an invitation. It doesn't make you a bad person, and it certainly will not make anyone think any less of you. So if you are not obligated to be there through work or what have you, don't feel obligated to be there for every single social event because if you're not wanting to do that, then don't torture yourself. Set those boundaries and then limit time with challenging family members. I know it can be hard, but it's important to set boundaries even around the family. And perhaps you can't get away. Perhaps you can't leave the table, but you can steer clear of topics. You can not engage in conversations, you cannot take the bait frankly. I know that we probably all have family members out there that like to stir the pot maybe. And if we are one of those, perhaps don't do that.

But if we're experiencing that, don't engage, you can set those boundaries around that. And it's okay to walk away. If you are being truly mistreated, it's okay to put yourself first. And so make sure that you take care of yourself when it comes to difficult family members. And then lastly around setting boundaries, lower those expectations a little bit. I think that we all, especially for maybe first time moms out there, or for first time families, first time married couples like myself, we may have bigger expectations around the holidays than what the holidays can provide. And I think that if we go in with a little bit less of an expectation and a little bit more of a grateful heart, then the holidays won't be quite so hard when it comes to maybe what we're hoping to get out of it. But then really, I think when it comes to managing your mental health around the holidays is you got to prioritize self-care.

So that might include scheduling downtime. That might include actually putting in your calendar on your calendar, relaxation time or meditation time. That might include going to the gym, maintaining those healthy eating and exercise habits that I think that we can all maybe let go of a little bit during the holidays. I know I can do that. I've done that essentially. And so I need to get back into the gym because I know that it's important to keep moving, to keep getting out there, to keep staying active and to drink enough water. So I think during the winter seasons, a lot of us don't drink enough water. We don't think about it as often, and especially here in Las Vegas, it's cold now. It's not hot. And so we maybe aren't thinking about drinking water the way that we were in the summer times. But it's so important to keep drinking water because not only in the winter are we in a drier climate, so that in itself can be very challenging to deal with during the winter.

I know a lot of people that get those cracked hands during the winter in a drier climate. So it's so important to hydrate your skin, but your insides right with water, and it's definitely important to take care of your body because there's lots of alcohol during the holidays. There's lots of sweet treats during the holidays, and it's okay to eat those. I'm going to eat some of them. And I know that there's usually a little bit more wine involved than a typical month out of the year. But definitely make sure that you're taking care of yourself in between those moments. And then lastly, you want to acknowledge your grief. And so really pay attention to how you're grieving as part of your self-care during the holiday season. And so that might include going into mindfulness techniques. That's my next tip for managing your mental health, which is to not only practice self-care, but to be mindful in that practice. So that might be practicing deep breathing exercises.

I think we can all breathe a little bit more. That might also include mindful eating. Mindful eating is very important during the holidays because again, like I just said, there's lots of things around there, lots of things we can indulge in. And so we want to be mindful about how much we're indulging and what we're indulging in, and to really appreciate those moments of indulge, of indulgent, and then to also recognize when you need to come back and take care of yourself a little bit. And so mindful eating is great for that. But another great technique for mindfulness during the holidays is practicing gratitude. We talk a lot about gratitude during November, especially during Thanksgiving. And not everybody, it can be hard to practice gratitude one day out of the year or one month out of the year, and that's hard for anything to do.

If I'm only going to practice painting for one month out of the year, I'm not going to get very good at it. And so it's super important to practice gratitude. There's all sorts of ways to practice gratitude to do it consistently. You can do gratitude journaling. I know for a long time I had a journal that every single day I would take it out and in the morning I'd write one thing that I'm grateful for every single morning. And I didn't fill out that whole journal, okay, I am human, but I filled out about half of it and I found it the other day and I went through it. And I loved seeing all of those things that I was grateful for during that time of my life. That is actually a particularly challenging moment in my life. And to see that even in those dark darker times, I can find gratitude.

I think it's important to do during the holidays, especially because it is darker during the holidays, people do tend to experience more depression, more anxiety. We do see seasonal affective disorder, which is that kind of elevated level of depression during the winter seasons. And that typically happens between November, December when that time change first occurs. It can be really hard, not just on kids, but on adults. Now, I'm a proponent of the time change, but I understand the challenges that comes with it. But then also just the holidays, right? Again, that holiday time in itself can trigger moments of depression, can trigger symptoms of seasonal affective disorder. And so it's important to do what you can and focus on what you can. And so part of that is that gratitude moment. Gratitude can be so healthy for your mental health. Will it solve mental illness?

No, of course not. But it can really help you focus and make room in your brain, in your mind for those good moments as well, because the bad moments are going to be there. And so make space for the good ones through things like gratitude, journaling, like I mentioned, but then also other aspects of gratitude. There's waking up every day and saying three things that you're grateful for allowed. If you don't like writing things down, there's listening to gratitude affirmations or all sorts of affirmations out there around gratitude. And so it's a matter of finding what works for you. And so then that way you can consistently practice gratitude because it's kind of like that quote, motivation is like bathing. You got to do it every day, otherwise it doesn't work. And I think gratitude is similar in that aspect. Another aspect of mindfulness techniques to focus on are focusing on those positive moments in you.

Focus on self-compassion. Focus on self-love. Give yourself the gift of magic this Christmas. Maybe you didn't get to grow up with magic. Maybe you didn't get to do the gingerbread house that you always wanted to do. You can do it now. You can do it. Go do something that will give your inner child a little bit of extra love. And I think that's really important to do during the holidays. And then the last technique I'm going to mention around strategies for managing your mental health is to connect with others. And so that may not be your family, right? Maybe your family really stresses you out, maybe you don't have family, and that's okay. There are others in the world that are seeking connection, and maybe it's time for you to go find a new friend. Maybe it's time to find a new group, a new community, a new support system.

So there's all sorts of ways that you can connect with others. And if you struggle to go out with family and friends that you know can join support groups, there are support groups in town. NAMI has plenty of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, has them for both peers and family members. You can join meetups, you can join events. There's community events that do happen that maybe are around something that you're passionate about. Maybe there's a painting event that you really like. Maybe there's a wine event that you really like. Maybe you're passionate about children's mental health. There are lots of events that can support children's mental health or just children in general during the holidays. So there are all sorts of opportunities, and this is a chance, or this is a place a time when Google is your friend. And so get out there and if you don't know anyone in your immediate circle that you can connect to find somebody in your community because there are other people who need connection. And I think we all need connection during the holidays. And as human beings, we all need connection.

All right, so we have 10 minutes left before I wrap up this show. And I'm going to take this time to talk about grief because nobody talks about it. Nobody talks about grief during the holidays, and it's because it's hard. Grief is hard. I lost my grandma, my grandmother a year ago, a year and a half ago, almost two years ago. Oh my. And she was the first person in my life in my family who had died and not by suicide. So it was a different sort of feeling to see her slowly pass away. She died just after the holiday season, and that was hard. And then people will give you that acknowledgement that it's hard, and then they won't say anything again. And during the holidays, all of those feelings can come up again, and it's almost like you feel like you have no one to talk to about them, and that can be really hard on your mental health. So first, acknowledge that it's hard. It's okay to cry, stop stopping yourself from crying. It's okay to miss someone. It's okay to miss someone that you're not allowed to miss.

Pay attention to those emotions and acknowledge them. Acknowledge your little person in you. Acknowledge that pain in you. Acknowledge the broken heart that's in you. It's okay because it happens. Death is a part of life, and yet we never talk about it. And so please, please, it's okay to talk about it even if it's not with other people who want to experience that magical holiday season. You can talk about it with other people who miss that person. You can talk about it with other people in grief support groups. There are support groups just for grief, and I will mention a few of those in a couple minutes. So there are ways to get those emotions out, and really that's what you need to do. You need to get those emotions out. Another really great way to get those emotions out and to acknowledge someone that you've lost during the holidays is to honor them.

All sorts of ways to honor someone during the holidays. So you can keep it simple. You can light a candle in their memory. You can create maybe something special, a special craft or an ornament that would go on the tree or just something special around the menorah. That would be something you can take out every year or that you can create every year. You can also share stories, share images, share photos, share videos. Share their memory. Cook the meals that they loved or that they cooked. Cook their favorite dish. Donate to a charity that they in their name, visit them if they passed away. Visit their grave, their grave site. If it's nearby, give them some flowers on the holidays. That's okay. You can do that, and that's okay to bring other people with you to do that. It's okay to make it an event, to make it an affair. If your loved one deserved that, then they deserve that. So it's okay to acknowledge that and to give them all of the honors that they may have deserved or that you truly want to give them. But it's also okay. And it's also important to create new traditions, create brand new traditions, bake the cookies. Make that gingerbread house that you never got to make. Buy those matching pajamas that are all the rage and all the trends these days.

Also, you can revive old traditions. Make those houses that they used to make right? Paint those houses that they used to paint that your grandmother used to paint. Watch old movies. Watch new movies. Make it something special. Create a new tradition this year. If you are feeling like you're struggling this holiday season, create a new tradition that you will love, that your little child will love, that your loved ones will love. And maybe that's just you and your best friend. That's okay. Maybe it's just you this year. That's okay. Create a tradition for yourself because you deserve that.

And yes, take that time to explore support where you need it. So explore the support groups that exist. There are grief support groups that exist here in Las Vegas. You can absolutely go to, I believe it's Nathan Adelson Hospice. They have support groups. There's also Adam's Place. They have support groups. You can go on a website. I found a website called griefshare.org that if you are beyond Nevada, beyond Las Vegas area, you can go in, type in your state, type in your county, see what support groups are nearby that are focused on grief. That's perfect to do that. And you're not the only one to do that during the holidays. If you're feeling like you're alone in this, you're not. Trust me, a lot of people are struggling right now and we're just not talking about it. And so we want to talk about it.

And so if you're feeling like you're really struggling and you do need to talk about it, there are other ways. There's in Nevada, there's your Nanny Nevada warm line, so it's free and it's open to all Nevadans across the states, and it's provided by NAMI Western Nevada. And so you'll just want to look at the NAMI Nevada warm line, and you'll be able to see that number there. There's also a warm line for teens, a teen text line, and so our Nevada teens can have somebody to talk to during the holidays if they're struggling. There are help lines. So let's say you're looking for a certain support group, helplines exist. They're out there and there are NAMI Helplines as well. So you can call the NAMI National Helpline. You can call the NAMI Southern Nevada helpline if you're here in Las Vegas in the southern Nevada area, and they have all sorts of information and there are all sorts of helplines out there.

So this is another place where Google can be your friend. If you're looking for really assistance with that. And if you're really struggling, if you're dealing with a crisis, it's okay to call 9 8 8. That is our new suicide hotline. I know that it's had its problems, and I know that people are fearful of repercussions of it, but if you are struggling and in a crisis, it's better to reach out than to not reach out. And so please keep 9, 8, 8 in the back of your mind if that is a problem or if that is a struggle. And so I am just really grateful. I would just want to end it there on gratitude. I'm grateful for this show. I am grateful for my listeners. The show is small but mighty. In my opinion. The show is a passion project of mine. I absolutely have loved all of the guests that I've had on all of the conversations that we've had.

We are talking about mental health, and many of these guests are making a true difference. And so I'm excited to keep the show going, and this is going to be the end of my second season after our next show will be the end of my second season. So I'm excited to keep it going. Season three, we'll be starting up fresh again in January with a whole new slate of guests. We might be bringing back some old ones that were really great, but please stick with us. Please share. Please get the word out. We need more people to listen to these conversations about mental health in order to break down these stigmas and in order to make a difference in our states, in our communities, in our policies, we need to share these stories and be willing to say them to the world. And so I just appreciate everybody here again, every single one of my listeners, for taking the time every first and third Wednesday.

We are live here on PR Connections Radio, but then also check out my website, katierosewaechter.com. It may change now that I'm married. Married. So that's the big change for me this year. So the name may change the last name, but in the meantime, just stick with me, katierosewaechter.com is where you can see all of our old episodes. Please go in, scroll back, check out those old ones that you haven't seen. You can see our YouTube, our Spotify, all that good stuff. If you are more of an audio listener. And then also if you're a reader, we do have all of our transcripts up as well as blogs. And so please check out my website. Please check out our show. We're going to be here next time. December, what is it going to be? December 4th is going to be our last episode of this season of season two.

And again, just so excited to have you guys here and looking forward to January to start off fresh with season three. But please tune in next week because Trey Delap will be joining us. And he is an expert in Nevada policy around healthcare, around mental health. These are prime times because we just had the election. So he's going to talk about fallout from that. And we have our legislative session coming up. Nevada is only every other year, so the legislative session does not happen all the time. And so these are exciting times. And so he's going to break down what's coming up, what you can expect. There's a lot happening in healthcare and mental health this time around. I know the legislative session will be packed with that information and how you can make a difference. So how can you advocate and how can you be a part of the legislative session? He's going to break it all down. I'm so excited to have him. It's going to be a really good episode. So please join us next time, December 4th for our last episode of season two. And in that I'm going to say goodbye. Thanks again everyone, and I hope you have a great day, and we will see you again next time. Bye everyone. Have a good one here, our Connections Radio. Thanks you for watching this podcast.