Watching Mental Health Episode 5 | Geoffrey Radcliffe

This is a transcript of Watching Mental Health Episode 5 with Geoffrey Radcliffe which you can watch and listen to here:

Katie Waechter:  Hi everyone. Welcome to the next episode of Watching Mental Health, and thank you for joining me today. And I'm really excited about today's episode because this is something a little bit different from what we've done so far, and we're going to really have more of a conversation, I think, patient to patient. And so with that, I want to talk a little bit about who our guest is this week. And so our guest is going to be Geoff Radcliffe. He is a local entrepreneur and owner of Post-Launch, a digital marketing juggernaut in Las Vegas, actually my previous boss, which is funny. And this week's topic is all about the power of therapy from one patient to another. So we really want to make this relatable, and Jeff is going to be our very first guest talking about mental health from that patient perspective. And so with that, I'd like to welcome onto the show, Geoffrey Radcliffe.

Geoffrey Radcliffe: Hi Katie, how are you today?

Katie: I'm doing great. How are you?

Geoff: It's really good to see you. Thank you for having me on. I'm excited to talk about this. This is something that I have a lot of passion for and I spend a lot of time talking to people in my social circle about the things that I do in therapy and the things I learn in therapy. And I'm really, really just excited overall to kind of share my journey and share what I've learned and hopefully remove some stigmas from some of the things that I hear from my colleagues around therapy.

Katie: Yeah, absolutely. When I was reading through your bio, you were saying that therapy is important, but things about men's mental health is important. Breaking down these stigmas in these different communities I think is so important. So I'm just really grateful that you came on and that you're willing to tell your story. I know it can be hard to talk about this stuff. A lot of people like to say, oh, let's talk about mental health. But then when it comes to their own struggles, that's a whole new boundary to cross. So with that, just tell us who you are in your own words.

Geoff: Certainly. I am a father first. I am a biological father to two and a stepfather to four and a step grandfather to, I'm a family first person. Most of the people I talk to in my sphere of influence are my family, my parents, my kids, my brother, his kids. It's something that I really, really embrace. I love the family life. I love being connected in that group. When I'm not being a dad, I am a call me a serial entrepreneur. I like to start businesses. I have told many people I'm a garbage CEO, but I'm a fantastic founder. I like seeing an idea. I like taking something from zero to 60. I've been involved with three businesses just this year, bought, sold one failed out. But I am known for having a positive mental attitude. A lot of my colleagues and coworkers will compliment, how are you so positive all the time?

How are you really happy all the time. And dovetails nicely into my discussion around my mental health journey because it is something that my mental health training with the therapist that I've been to and the things that I've been through, one of the things that I really, really enjoy and sort of the key takeaway is understanding why I'm feeling, what I'm feeling in the moment, why is something giving me a certain way and why am I acting the way I'm acting right now? And so I'll take the current moment for an example, when you were giving me some information on this broadcast and talking about the reach and what it does, I had just recently had the experience of trying to set up a men's mental health fundraiser as a partnership for a client of mine. They're in Oregon. And the founder, the guy putting it on, called me up and actually said, Hey, we've got this great thing.

We're going to raise all this money, but we can't actually find an organization that supports adult men's mental health. And I said, well, let me Google that for you buddy. L-M-G-T-F-Y. So I went on the Google and I typed it in and I couldn't find anything. I couldn't find anything regional that was taking donations. And I couldn't find anything national outside the VA that had programs that would take donations to help men with their mental health. And by men, I'm talking about adult men, fathers, businessmen, people. I'm a middle age. I'm a 45 year old entrepreneur. I've been self-employed for most of my life, most of my adult. Before that, I was a child, obviously and not employed because children lazy, right? Can't be legal problems.

So I started seeking, where can I find, I can't believe there isn't anything. And I was, I don't know, either blessed enough or brave enough to seek out therapy on my own. And I'll tell you my story here in just a second, but I've had several therapists that have really impacted my life in multiple different ways. And as a result of that, I give my therapy secondhand. And now my therapist, he's the one I have now, his name is Nick, and he's fantastic. And one of the things he always reminds me is that as a head of a household, as a business owner, as an adult man, a lot of times you are not supposed to share your feelings. He's like, there's a lot of adult males out there who feel incredibly isolated and incredibly underappreciated and incredibly under loved because we were raised to just tuck those feelings away.

Be a man, don't cry, don't be a Ws. Take this thing and take it in stride and deal with it on your own. A lot of that started to come to light once my marketing business post-launch where you and I worked together years ago, really started getting busy. I found myself being completely overwhelmed and feeling really, really isolated. And the people that I surround myself with during the day, the people that worked on my team and the people that worked with me for me generally didn't want to hear my problems. They don't want to hear that I'm stressed out. I'm the boss. They don't want to hear that worried about, I'm worried about payroll and I'm worried about our reputation and I'm worried about this, and I'm worried about a new employee that uses the bathroom too much in the middle of the day and the whole office stinks.

These are all stresses that as the boss I'm not allowed to have. When I would come home at night to my then ex-wife, she didn't want to hear about my stresses. She didn't care. It was family time. She had her own stresses and my problems weren't relevant to her. My problems weren't relevant to the people I spent my day with. My problems weren't relevant to my spouse when I came home at night. So me really seeking therapy started with a mutual colleague. I went to this gentleman named Doug, and he says, you know what? I know a guy who specializes in CEO.

I guess he can't actually have a specialty in this space, but he'd been doing it for years. And his name was Dr. Robert Diiorio, and he'd been around Las Vegas and I guess he'd seen many, many successful and unsuccessful entrepreneurs in the valley. And I went and I met with Dr. Diiorio. It took a while. I was first time in therapy, I wanted to check it out. I want to call. I want to get the whole free phone call. So I called him and called him and called him and called him and called him and called him. And finally I got him on the phone. He says, listen, I deal with male CEOs as my specialty, as my primary focus. He goes, here's how it's going to work. I'm going to sit you down. I'm going to listen to you for six months. I'm not going to let you be a whiner. I'm not going to let you be a baby. I'm going to put your life into perspective and I'm going to let you see that it's not really that bad. The things that you're stressing out about are in your own head. And he says, I'm going to give you six months that I'm going to fire you as a patient.

And I thought, wow, that is exactly what I need right now. I need someone to help me put things into perspective. And it was through that process. It was through the highs and lows where I turned to other sources to calm myself, alcohol mostly whenever I was in space. And I would go and I would sit in, his name was Robert Robert's office. And I would sit there and he would say, take five minutes and write down everything good that happened today. And the term that's popular now is, I think it's gratitude hacking is something that he taught me to embody that process. What am I really grateful for right now between you and I? I've got 500 emails in my inbox. I got a dozen clients that want me to work on something right now. My brother's called me four times today to talk about something going on. My dad had a slip and fall in his kitchen a couple of weeks ago. There's all sorts of things to be stressed out about, but it's really, I think a targeted focus for me to sit there and say, I'm grateful for things. I'm grateful for this. I'm actually, I'm grateful to be on this show right now with you. I'm grateful that my friend Katie has an amazing podcast that's growing in popularity and makes her happy. I'm grateful that I got a kitchen full of food and a pantry full of snacks.

I'm grateful that I got a cool purple polo that I could wear on the show today. I'm grateful that I got a haircut last week. And by going through and doing that and picking just random things that I'm grateful for, it automatically shifts my focus on everything. So as the positive mental attitude guy, I kind of embody that, and I feel that, and it's really a matter, it's easy to complain, right? It's really, really simple to say, I don't like this and I don't like that, and I don't want leftovers for dinner, and I don't want this. But the fact that you have a dinner to eat and the fact that you have somewhere to sit, and the fact that I have a gorgeous photograph shot by my friend AJ, right behind me, are all things that kind of keep me positive in spite of any negative that happens in my life. So Dr. Rio, who's very, very good about putting into perspective and getting out of the moment, I actually had started to develop some rage tendencies and getting out of the moment, and the tapping therapy where you tap on your pressure points, some breathing techniques where I would find myself getting angrier and angrier and angrier and not knowing how to deal with it.

It just didn't make sense. I couldn't do it. But he took his six months and he flipped me on my ear and he taught me how to process and how to focus on the positive. Even in the worst possible moments, even feel like everything's going sideways and everything's down, and it feels like there's no way out. The best takeaway was to say, okay, listen. Just think about something good that happened today, something great. And if you've ever interacted with children when they come home from school and you say, how was your day? And they're like, what'd you do? Nothing. Really, really, it's our own process. We're trained from a young age to sort of not engage and don't complain, but we're also trained to not be happy. Just get on with your job. Just do the things that you do during your day and don't worry about your own feelings. I pushed all those down.

Katie: And as CEO, that's something that I think is a little bit, it's challenging. You have to really come to terms with that. I know in your bio, you were saying since you moved here in 97, you've owned more than a dozen businesses. You've really gone through it. And I know other CEOs, they also will struggle with mental health, but also feel very much so alone. So I think that that's really interesting that you were able to find someone who specializes in that and then able to work through that from where you are, where you are, which is, everybody has mental health, but your boat really needed something a little bit different, I think.

Geoff: Yep, yep. So the experience with Robert was, he was good. He was quite a bit older than me and put me in place and gave me that sort of fatherly vibe that I needed at the time. Then he fired me after six months, and I went to find another therapist, and I got partnered up with someone who was very comforting, and she was an older woman, and she would say, honey, everything's going to be fine. Everything's going to be fine. Don't worry about it. Everything's going to be fine. But it didn't actually work for me. And I think this is really important to find a therapist that's not going to just gloss over as anybody seeking a therapist. I am going to say, definitely don't read the judge the book by the cover. Go to a few

Katie: Sessions, sessions,

Geoff: But not just judge, because the first one, milk and honey, everything is fine, honey, everything is great. No, don't even worry about it, honey child, everything is fantastic,

The experience. And it was great for one session, but then by the third or fourth session where I still have things on my mind, I said, this isn't for me. So I found, I sought out another therapist, and he's been my therapist now for, gosh, two and a half years. His name is Nick. And at first I read him right by the cover. He was young and he was just out of school and very sort of not me. I like to talk and I like to joke around. I like to goof around. And he was just sort of therapy geeky and therapy pro therapy. But he was so fresh out of school that every single one of his answers, every single one of the items we discussed was extremely academic. And as a businessman, I studied physics in college. So I liked math too as a businessman. I liked cause and effect as my brain is wired that way, why am I thinking this way? So my best thing that I got was homework. After every single session, I want you to go watch this podcast. I want you to read this book. I want you to watch this YouTube series on the things that are bothering you. And it opened my eyes up to a world of real understanding. And I thought, this kid doesn't know anything about my life. He doesn't know anything. And it's true.

Katie: How does he understand? Yeah,

Geoff: He'd never been a business owner. He'd never been a father. He'd never failed in business. He'd never gone through a messy divorce or custody bss. But he sat me down and he said, well, I got a lot of adult male clients like you, and they feel lonely and isolated. And what I need you to do as homework is go and sit with three of your friends in the next month and tell them how you are feeling and tell them about themselves. I cringed at first. I'm like, oh God, I got to go talk about my feelings to my friends. You kidding me? No way. I'm talking about friends, about my feelings. That's lame. He shifted my whole thinking on it and everything. And it has been really the cornerstone of my personality. Now for the last half decade. Every time I'll hear someone in the mall, they'll say something about therapists or therapy, and I'll run right over. I'm like, you're in therapy too? I'm in therapy. What are you guys working on? Have you listened to this? Have you tried this? Have you done this? And embracing the positive that comes out of it. Even now, I'll tell my fiance, I'm like, Hey, listen to what I talked about therapy today. Isn't this great? Isn't this great? She'd be like, yeah, but I don't. I'm like, no, no, no, no. Here's why you're feeling the way you're feeling.

Katie: Right, right. Lemme explain it.

Geoff: So it's, it's really been a fantastic experience for me going through and having an actual therapist the way that it worked best for me. There's a company here in Las Vegas called Live Happy, and I'll give them a shout out. I'm very pleased with them. They take my insurance. I think with, I'm on Sierra Health and Life, and it's something like 25 bucks a session for me, and it's all virtual. So I can sit in my kitchen, my living room, my bedroom, and I can get on my phone, or I can get on the webcam and talk from my space. I feel like a lot of people think it's going to be difficult to get up and drive and park and go in and sit in a weird waiting, waiting room and meet me with your therapist. I am a huge proponent of telehealth on therapy because you're talking, right? You're not looking at a rash on my eye. You're sitting there telling me, here's why you feel the way you feel, and here's why you act the way you act.

Katie: And

Geoff: If it's not too personal, I can talk about some of the major takeaways that I've learned.

Katie: Yeah, we can definitely jump into that. I think that it's great you're touching on teletherapy. It's opened a lot of doors for people, but just therapy in general, doing your due diligence in making sure that you find a therapist that will work with you. It's nice to hear that you've gone through that journey and that you are continuing to go through it. I know here in Las Vegas, access to care has been historically hard for people. So that's great. That's a great resource to know that that's a location can go in and potentially connect somebody with a therapist more easily.

Geoff: I think it's fantastic. I try the online resources and it just wasn't some of the major big ones that you see advertised on social media all the time. I dunno if they're a sponsor or anything, but they have

Katie: No, they're not sponsors. No. And I mean, I've heard issues with them and then I've heard issues with insurance companies who have maybe therapists on lists, but those are ghost lists. And so it's been a struggle. So it's nice that you've been able to find a resource that works and that works with your schedule. So for some people in-person therapy might be great, but for some people it really might not. And to have that option for telehealth is really important. So with that, tell me about some of your major takeaways. Let's jump in.

Geoff: I am a boisterous, funny presence. I'll call myself. I like to be the center of attention. I like to feel that I'm hurt. Obviously, I've been talking nonstop for almost 20 minutes, which is pretty standard. I find that it comes from me and my upbringing. My parents were both working professionals. They were out of the house. We would see them an hour at night maybe, but they had their own lives. Me and my brother were kind of on our own to be raised. And this isn't meant as a knock on my parents. They're still together after, gosh, 50 plus years, they raised us in a loving household. We never wanted for anything, but we were the epitome of latchkey kids. And for those who are watching, don't know what latchkey kids are, that's when you just come home from school and your parents give you a key and you're just in the house on your own for half of your day.

I mentioned that term to an employee one time who was quite a bit younger. And she said, you were in a gang. No, no, we weren't in a gang. Lemme go ahead and Google that for you. But we were left on our own. And because of that, I developed, and my brother and I both developed this sort of real strong sense of bravado and false confidence because of that. The people in your social circle loved ones your life, partners, children, even my own parents said, oh, you're fine. You're fine all the time. Hey mom, I got a problem. You'll figure it out, honey. You're good. You're good. And what I didn't realize at the time was that that was really depressing to me because I felt like I had problems and I felt like I was in a space and I felt like I needed help, but I didn't have anyone to get help from, couldn't talk to my friends. They don't care. Jeff's fine. There's no problem with Jeff. He's good. He's

Katie: Fine. Yeah.

Geoff: So it sort of forced me to, I was just getting angrier and angrier and becoming a curmudgeon old man. And then I got this current therapist and he said, you know what the problem is is that math, not mathematically, but scientifically, your father wasn't there when you were young to tell you that you were doing a good job to tell you that you were good enough. And again, I don't mean to be negative. This isn't my dad's fault, obviously.

Katie: Yeah. I mean, they're working, right. It happens, right?

Geoff: They were doing their stuff, but this false bravado and almost this constant sense of everything's okay, comes from me needing to be told that everything's okay. I need to be told that I'm doing a good job and I need to be told that I'm good enough and I need to be told that I'm loved enough. And of the takeaway from that now after almost five years of regular therapy, is that when I'm in a relationship business, friendship, or even a loving partner relationship, I can go to the other people and say, this is how I need you to treat me. And it took a long time for me to come around. I need to feel like I'm good enough,

Katie: Really.

Geoff: And I was on a call with a client today, right, actually an hour before this. And I got cut off and I said, I'm sorry guys. I need to feel important in these calls. And he owns the company and I work for him. And then we all had a laugh, and it was a joke, but they didn't cut me off anymore. I say it to my fiance, I need you to let me know that you love me. She's like, of course I love you. I'm engaged here. I said, no, no, no, it's not good enough.

Katie: You need to tell me. Yeah, this, it sounds like that's part of your love language is really these words of affirmation you need. And I'm kind of similar in that words of affirmation are important.

Geoff: Well, I think you're doing an amazing job, Katie, and I'm very proud of you.

Katie: I take it. So I know we are already running out of time, which is too bad. But I do want to ask you this because you have been in therapy for a while. And so just from your perspective, do you imagine that a mental health challenge or these struggles are something that we should overcome, that maybe there should be an end game, you should put a little bow tie on your therapy and call it a day? Or do you think it's something that really you should accept as a part of you, and you imagine yourself perhaps going to therapy for however many years you don't see a timeline on it?

Geoff: That's a great question. I'm going to answer that. Probably not. In the most succinct way. I feel like there's a level of happiness that you'll constantly be at. Sometimes you'll be happier and sometimes you'll be lower. Understanding where you are in your own scale is a success metrics for me. I'm unhappy. Why am I unhappy? I'm sorry, I'm unhappy. Why am I unhappy now? I'm happy. Why am I happy? So for me, completion or winning of mental health is understanding why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling, and then being able to plot a plan. Turning off therapy for me is not something that I am currently considering because I like to explore different aspects. And as you start to peel away the onions of the layer, these are the things that are really bothering me. These are things that are kind of bothering me. These are things that are annoying.

Katie: These are things

Geoff: I know more about myself. I feel like the journey continues.

Katie: The journey

Geoff: Goes on. It doesn't mean that it's triaged as much of the time, but if I think of it in the same sense of physical wellness, if I've broken my leg, I got to go to physical therapy, but in a year I'm jogging and in two years I'm training for a marathon.

So it's a continued process in my opinion. And I feel like more awareness is something that will give people better access to anything in the space and more desire for people to want to be better. And taking away the stigma that you're broken if you're in therapy. I hate that. Absolutely hate it. I feel like you go to therapy to be better. No one gives you a hard time if you go to the gym. No one gives you a hard time if you take a walk to clear your head, but oh, you're going to therapy. What is wrong with you?

Katie: That's stigma.

Geoff: I don't think it ever ends. I feel like if anybody is going to continue to improve their overall mental wellness, they need to just be a student of their mental health.

Katie: Yeah, it's a journey for sure. And I liked what you said about it would be better. It would be nice if more people chose to get on that journey and to really try to improve themselves and to seek happiness. And I think that at the end of the day, isn't that what we all want? It's just to be happy. Yeah.

Geoff: Yes. And I don't think it always needs to be a paid solution. I feel like there's plenty of like-minded individuals out there who could find a way to connect. I feel like as the patient, you have to let your guard down, go out, and even talking to a stranger about how you're feeling, man, sure. Nervous about the economy, that'll spark a whole conversation. Unless I'm weirdo,

Katie: It really will. Maybe not one you want to do actually, but be willing to be vulnerable. As long as you keep your shell up, you're not going to be able to start doing those metrics. Analytical approach. I love that. So really try and start looking at yourself. And that's the first, I think key is, okay, let's just observe what's going on. We can't change anything until we know we understand.

Geoff: Exactly. Exactly.

Katie: So what does happiness look like to you?

Geoff: Happiness to me is found. When I am. I'm reminded that my problems could be a lot worse. Kind of going back to what I was talking about earlier with the gratitude hacking. I am most happy. I'm most happy when I take a deep breath, and I think, you know what? I'm happy for item A, B, and C, and that puts me in a good mood. And to even take that to the next level when I can give someone else happiness. If I sat down with someone and said, here's why I think you're feeling the way you're feeling, or that individual at your work, that's given you a hard time. Every bully's got a bully. I believe there's a reason that everybody, duke does things. They're not just being rude to you for the sake of being rude to you. There there's a reason everybody should have the opportunity to tell their story. And if I can pass forward that message, it makes me feel happy.

Katie: Yeah, absolutely. I love that. Yeah. I mean, not only, and it seems like you're passionate about that, about helping your friends and your family to get on the therapy train, because you've kind of mentioned that before. And so why does mental health really matter to you? Why does sharing it matter to you? I know that we've talked a little bit about your journey. Is there anything else that you want to kind of tell us as we wrap up?

Geoff: I think that the ability to understand why you're feeling what you're feeling has changed me, evolved me like a butterfly coming out of a chrysalis. I am more aware of my feelings and more happy than I've been in decades because of just the understanding, though I feel the way I feel because of A, B, and C. And the people who are interacting with me are doing it because of X, Y, and Z. And it doesn't become a battle, you understand? I don't know. It's just this match of you're here and I'm here and this is where we are. If you're here and I'm here, then we're buttoning into each other. But it really is a measure of finding peace and finding cooperation in the world with the individuals that you interact with.

Katie: Yeah, absolutely. That's amazing. I'm glad that you are the happiest you've ever been. And yet you are still a proponent of continuing to improve yourself and continuing to go to therapy. It just goes to show that as long as there's tomorrow, there's a chance. And I think that that's really amazing.

Geoff: That's deep I'll put out there that I haven't figured it all out. I'm still learning every single day, but I will be a lifelong studier of mental health wellness.

Katie: Yes. And that's cool. I'll be a lifelong studier right along with you. And I think that it's similar in that a lot of us, we have our own personal experiences and we have to be able to break down those walls and continue on that journey in order to really see that happiness. So I felt that definitely the same way that therapy's significantly improved. And then the ability to talk to others. And so I know there are other resources, you said it doesn't have to just be therapy. What are some other resources that you've used now that we're kind of finishing up?

Geoff: There were some specific, I don't even call 'em celebrity therapists that my therapist turned me onto. Maybe I can send some links and as you publish, this can include them in the document, but there's some good TED Talks, there's some great YouTubers, there's some books that are fantastic on reading. I wish I had a list handy that I could rattle off. But my five pillars of my life, I think about my family, my career, my physical health, my general happiness, and am I doing something to entertain and I don't know, challenge myself at the same time. So on all five of those aspects, I think, okay, where am I at on a one to 10 scale every single time I sit down and do therapy. So I've got various resources for every single one. I'm happy.

Katie: Oh, cool. Okay. Well, I'll definitely get those from you, and then we'll make sure that we post them when we post our video on the Katie Rose Wecter YouTube channel. So definitely make sure that you guys check that out. And then join us every first and third Wednesday of the month here, live on PR, connections Radio. And just thank you so much, Jeff, for coming in, for being so open and just being willing to talk about this. And I'm just so grateful for our friendship.

Geoff: I'm grateful too. I'm in a better mood already.

Katie: Alright, awesome. Well, we'll see you guys next time. Thank you so much again.